When It’s Hard to Be Happy for Other People

You love your people. You want them to win. But sometimes, seeing someone else hit a milestone you’re still working toward—whether it’s love, a job, a baby, or healing—brings up something uncomfortable. That tightness in your chest, that voice that whispers “why not me?” It’s envy... and it’s human.

We’re told to always “be happy for others,” but what if no one taught you how to hold both your joy and your pain in the same hand? What if no one showed you how to feel your feelings without guilt?

Here’s the truth: You can feel genuinely happy for someone and still feel the sting of your own unmet needs. Both can be true. Feeling envy doesn't make you bitter—it makes you honest. It's a sign that something you deeply desire feels far away, and that's worth exploring with compassion, not shame.

Instead of judging yourself, ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me about what I need?” When you listen closely, you might find it’s less about the other person and more about your own longing for care, success, love, or stability.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for not being 100% joyful for someone else, therapy can help you understand that feeling instead of shaming it. You’re not alone in this—it’s more common than you think. Let's explore it together.

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