Stop Trying to Fix It: Learning to Sit With Your Feelings

We live in a world that glorifies the quick fix. Got anxiety? There’s a podcast for that. Feeling sad? Hit the gym. Angry? Write it off as “just being tired.” Somewhere along the line, we learned that emotions are problems to solve rather than experiences to feel. But the truth is—your feelings aren’t emergencies. They’re messages. And learning to sit with them might be one of the most powerful forms of self-care you’ll ever practice.

What Does “Sitting With Your Feelings” Actually Mean?

Sitting with your feelings means slowing down long enough to notice what’s happening inside of you without immediately trying to change it. It’s letting your body feel what it feels without labeling it as bad or weak. Instead of running from discomfort, you give yourself permission to be with it.

For many of us—especially those who grew up having to stay strong, keep the peace, or put everyone else first—this can feel foreign. If you were raised in survival mode, emotions weren’t something you had space for; they were interruptions. But as adults, avoiding your feelings only keeps you disconnected from yourself. Sitting with them helps you build emotional endurance—the ability to feel deeply without falling apart.

Why It’s So Hard

Let’s be real: it’s uncomfortable as hell. When you sit with sadness, it might bring up old grief. Sitting with anger might uncover how often you’ve been disrespected. Sitting with anxiety might remind you of times you didn’t feel safe. That’s heavy stuff. But avoiding it doesn’t make it go away—it just buries it alive.

Our culture often tells us to “stay positive,” “move on,” or “not let it bother you.” But emotional bypassing is not healing—it’s numbing. And while numbing can bring short-term relief, it also keeps you stuck.

How to Start Sitting With Your Feelings

1. Name it. Before you can sit with a feeling, you have to recognize it. Try saying: “I’m feeling sad right now,” or “There’s anger here.” Naming it out loud grounds you in awareness.

   
   

2. Locate it in your body. Emotions show up physically—tight chest, heavy shoulders, clenched jaw. Noticing where it lives in your body helps you stay connected instead of detached.

   
   

3. Breathe through it. When the feeling gets intense, don’t rush to escape. Take slow, steady breaths. This signals safety to your nervous system.

4. Offer compassion. Ask yourself: What does this part of me need right now? Maybe it needs rest, understanding, or to finally be heard.

   
   

5. Don’t force a resolution. Sitting with feelings isn’t about solving them—it’s about witnessing them. Let the emotion move through you naturally.

   
   

Why It Matters

When you build the capacity to sit with your emotions, you build trust with yourself. You stop being afraid of your own inner world. You begin to realize that sadness won’t destroy you, anger won’t define you, and discomfort doesn’t mean danger. It means you’re human.

Sitting with your feelings also changes the way you show up in relationships. You start communicating more honestly, setting boundaries more clearly, and connecting from a grounded place instead of reacting from a wound.

A Final Thought

Healing isn’t about feeling good all the time—it’s about becoming fluent in your emotional language. The next time you catch yourself trying to fix, avoid, or “get over” what you feel, try doing the opposite. Pause. Sit with it. Listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you.

Because sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is nothing at all. Just breathe, and be.

If you’re learning how to slow down and make peace with your emotions, you don’t have to do it alone. I help Black and Brown millennials and Gen Z'ers untangle their emotional patterns and build tools for real, sustainable healing. Schedule a consultation or visit @calmandcurly to learn more about working with me.

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