When infertility hits people usually either move away from spirituality or towards it. The people who move away are plagued with questions like "why me", "what did I do to deserve this", or "why is God punishing me?". All of these questions, as valid as they are, will remain unanswered and will ultimately not help you feel better about what is happening in your life. Instead, moving towards spirituality can be a big help in making you feel stronger, more patient, and happier. This is why I support the idea of nightly prayers or nightly reflections before you fall asleep. The best nightly prayers or nightly reflections consist of two parts: showing gratitude for what you already have and asking for something that you want.
I believe that any good nightly time prayer or reflection should start with gratitude. Make a list of things that you are grateful for; things that are going well in your life. No matter how difficult the day has been, there is always a silver lining; something that went well. It could be gratitude for a job, for the marriage that you are in, for a friend, or for an honest conversation you have had today. List as many things as you can. They can be big or small; just list them. This type of reflection, on a nightly basis, will help you feel better. It will remind you of all of the good that surrounds you. It will make you feel lighter, happier, and more positive.
Asking for Something You Want:
This is the tricky part. Asking for a biological child or IVF to work is what you truly want. However, life will continue to throw you challenges as you age. So asking for an end goal will not be as rewarding as asking for coping skills to help you navigate through your journey. So, instead ask for things like patience, love, humility, and strength. Ask for skills you need in order to thrive throughout your journey. By asking for these skills, you will be reminded of what to focus on the next day. When you are faced with a challenging client at work, or you have conflict with a friend, you will be reminded of your evening prayer and you will be able to draw on your patience, and strength in those moments. Asking for coping skills will ultimately make you a stronger, more successful person.
No matter what your current challenge is, no matter what you are facing, nightly prayers or reflections can have an immense positive impact on your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.
Written by Linda Meier Abdelsayed, LMFT
Originally published on 09/28/2017