Breaking Free From Society's Box and Redefining Success On Your Terms
- Natalie Herriott, AMFT, APCC
- 5 hours ago
- 4 min read
Have you ever felt it? That subtle, nagging sense that you’re not quite “doing it right,” even when, by all external measures, you should be happy?
Maybe you have the career, the relationship, the lifestyle that everyone around you applauds—yet a quiet part of you still feels unfulfilled. Or perhaps you’re striving for those benchmarks, already feeling like a failure before you’ve even begun.
This feeling often stems from trying to fit into society’s box—a pre-packaged idea of what a successful, happy life looks like. It’s a box decorated with expectations about wealth, status, family, and the relentless pursuit of more. These things aren’t inherently bad, but the problem arises when we adopt them as our definition of success without asking whether they align with who we truly are.
The truth is, there’s no single blueprint for a well-lived life. Your version of success is uniquely yours—and discovering it can be one of the most empowering journeys you’ll ever take.
The Invisible Chains: How Society’s Box Limits Us
So where does this pressure come from? Much of it is invisible—woven into the cultural stories we grow up hearing about what a “good” life should look like.
From a young age, we’re bombarded with messages about what success means:
Career: A high-paying, prestigious job—often at the expense of passion or balance.
Relationships: The perfect partner, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence.
Appearance: Unrealistic beauty standards that make individuality feel like a flaw.
Possessions: The latest car, biggest house, designer clothes—equating self-worth with what we own.
These expectations can quietly shape our choices and fuel self-criticism when we don’t measure up. We might chase goals that don’t resonate, leading to burnout, anxiety, and emptiness.
But here’s the liberating truth: you have the power to step outside that box. You can dismantle those invisible chains and create a life that truly lights you up.
Your Path to Redefining Success: 5 Practical Tools
Redefining success isn’t about rejecting everything society values—it’s about consciously choosing what serves you and letting go of what doesn’t.
Here are five tools to help you start that process.
1. The “Why” Exercise: Uncover Your Core Values
Before you can redefine success, you need to understand what truly matters to you.
Grab a pen and paper. List 5–7 things that bring you a sense of purpose, joy, or fulfillment. These aren’t achievements—they’re guiding principles. Examples might include:creativity, connection, adventure, security, learning, contribution, authenticity, peace, health.
Then, reflect: Do your current life choices align with those values?
If your top value is adventure but your life feels routine, that’s a clue.
If your top value is connection but you spend most of your time alone, that’s another.
This exercise reveals where your life might be out of sync with your authentic self.
2. The “If Money Were No Object” Visualization
Close your eyes and imagine you have all the money you’ll ever need. You no longer have to work.
What would you do with your days? Who would you spend them with? What kind of impact would you want to make?
Pay attention to the themes that emerge—volunteering, learning, nature, creativity, or community. You don’t need a million dollars to start living those values now. Small steps toward what inspires you can transform your sense of meaning and fulfillment.
3. Challenge Your “Shoulds”
We all carry around a suitcase full of shoulds—beliefs about what we must do or be.
Identify one “should” (e.g., “I should work 60 hours a week to be successful”).
Ask:
Where did this belief come from? (Parents? Society? Media?)
Is it truly serving me?
What would happen if I didn’t follow it?
What would I choose to do instead?
Often, the consequences of letting go are far less scary than we imagine.
4. Embrace Small, Deliberate Choices
Redefining success doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul. It’s built through small, consistent actions that reflect your values.
If your value is creativity, spend 15 minutes a day making something—just for you.
If your value is health, go for a short walk or cook one nourishing meal.
Each small choice is a vote for the person you want to be. Over time, these votes add up to lasting change.
5. Find Your Community
When you step outside the conventional path, not everyone will understand—and that’s okay.
Surround yourself with people who support your growth and authenticity. This could mean:
Joining an online community
Connecting with a mentor or coach
Spending more time with friends who “get” you
Finding your people makes the journey of self-definition feel less isolating and more celebrated.
What Does Success Look Like for You?
Ultimately, redefining success means creating a life that feels rich and meaningful to you, regardless of external validation.
It might look like:
Prioritizing time with loved ones over career climbing
Pursuing a passion project that earns no money but brings immense joy
Living simply and intentionally, free from the pressure to constantly achieve
Focusing on your well-being above all else
You don’t have to keep squeezing yourself into a box that was never made for you. The most fulfilling life isn’t the one that looks perfect from the outside—it’s the one that feels true on the inside.
The journey to break free from society’s box isn’t always easy, but it is profoundly rewarding. It takes courage, introspection, and a willingness to challenge both external and internal expectations. But in doing so, you create a life that is authentically yours—filled with genuine purpose and peace.
If you find yourself struggling to identify your values, challenge your “shoulds,” or navigate this journey, you don’t have to do it alone.Reach out to me at natalie@smarttalktherapy.com for support. Together, we can explore what truly makes you thrive—and help you build a life that feels successful on your terms.
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