Maybe you've been Googling your symptoms at midnight, baby in arms, trying to figure out what is actually happening to you. Maybe a friend mentioned postpartum depression and something clicked, but it also didn't quite fit. Maybe you feel more anxious than sad, or more numb than either, and you're not sure what category that falls into.

You planned the childcare. You negotiated the schedule. You bought the pump bag and the work-appropriate nursing bras and you read the articles about pumping at the office. You were prepared, and then you walked back into your office, or opened your laptop at your kitchen table for the first Zoom of the day, and felt like a stranger.

You're doing great. Your OB said it at your six-week checkup. Your mom says it every time she calls. Your partner says it when you ask if you're okay. Even your own brain says it, usually right before you cry in the car for no reason you can explain.